Only taken me 4 years, to renew it but I finally have a passport again! I know it’s not a big deal to anybody else but you have no idea how happy it makes me to have this finally sorted. 😁✈️ #lookoutworld
Found a sweet new running route! 🌳

They won’t know who we are
So we both can pretend
It’s written on the mountains
A line that never ends

As the devil spoke we spilled out on the floor
And the pieces broke and the people wanted more
And the rugged wheel is turning another round

Dorian, carrion,
Will you come along to the end
Will you ever let us carry on

Swaying like the children,
Singled out for praise
The inside out on the open
With the straightest face

As the sad-eyed woman spoke we missed our chance,
The final dying joke caught in our hands
And the rugged wheel is turning another round

Dorian, carrion,
Will you come along to the end
Will you ever let us carry on

Dorian, carrion,
Will you come along to the end
Will you ever let us carry on
Dorian, will you follow us down

The Quarter-Life Crisis and Social Networking.

I don’t think this problem is as commonly talked about as the mid-life crisis, but lately it seems everyone’s having some sort of meltdown before they’ve even reached thirty, and it got me thinking. There’s not a day goes by where I too am not affected by some sort of deep-rooted sense of panic in the back of my head telling me I need to get my shit together because my youth is disappearing before my very eyes. It’s the very reason for my incessant list making and working late and my obsession with constantly assessing and reassessing my achievements and my appearance. Everybody has certain little habits caused by a kind of quarter-life anxiety.

Once you leave home, there’s this massive drop of pressure on you that nobody really informs you of. Suddenly the only letters you get are bills, your days off are spent catching up on chores and somehow you’ve got a load of commitments without actually having much to show for it. You’re head-first in the deep end of this place, yet you still don’t know what the hell you’re supposed to be doing there, and you’re expected to be completely self-sufficient. That art of making it up as you go along can either be incredibly stressful or incredibly liberating, or both at the same time.

A few weeks ago I got a contraceptive implant inserted into my arm. It’s an incredibly weird thing to do, to have a bit of plastic put under your skin that magically stops your body from doing what it’s naturally supposed to do, and for three years! But I decided i wasn’t going to take any risks any more, I couldn’t. Not because I don’t want kids, but because I’m afraid of having them before I’ve achieved all of my ambitions. I’m not afraid of falling pregnant, I’m afraid of living with regret, I’m afraid of not sapping my life and my body try of everything it’s capable of before it’s gone. I’m incredibly aware of how restricting it is to have dependents, and the damage you can do to kids if you drag them around while you try to fulfil your own goals, and the more knowledge and experiences you have, the more you can give to them. Though I want to be in the position one day to be able to give all my time to them - I know I’m nowhere near ready. Anyway… having this thing in my arm has inspired me to get as much as possible done in the next 3 years before it’s time to have it taken out again - whether I make it or not, now as a 24 year old - is my biggest cause for anxiety. There’s no stress like it, and It affects a large amount of people in their twenties who deal with the same unspoken daily strain. I know this mainly by what I see in my News Feed…

Recently it dawned on me that social networks are just a bragging platform, we all do it: Posts and pictures that say - I found the perfect relationship, I cooked something complex, I ran 10K today, I lost weight, I travelled somewhere, I look pretty today, I’ve seen a new TV show or played a cool new game that only a few people know about. All these small 1ups that release the pressure of maybe not quite being where you want to be. We can no longer gain recognition from teachers for getting good grades, or be doted on by our parents for good behaviour, or make loads of friends the same way as we did when we were little kids, so we invent new ways to seek approval, likes, retweets, comments (and mostly from people we rarely speak to). 

In any case it’s a way we’ve latched onto social networks to make that life-strain easier, right? Or does it? Now we’re bombarded by extra pressure from our peers’ photos of their weddings and expensive trips abroad and promotions, maybe it just adds to the competition you already feel from inside your own head. Now whilst competing with yourself to achieve certain goals, you also feel a need to match or surpass the achievements of others, worsening the quarter-life crisis. It’s becoming easier and easier for anyone to become famous. So after a few thousand followers, you’ve hit the jackpot right? You can pat yourself on your back? You can feel comfortable that you’ve achieved something? Or is it really about being able to affirm that for yourself…

Social networks are a powerful tool but so many of us (myself included) have been using them in the wrong way. We should use them to stay well-connected to the people we love, use them to share our thoughts and ideas and stories, not use them as a bragging breeding ground - don’t use it to make yourself feel better than anybody else, and consequently encourage somebody else to do the same. Everybody is struggling up the same hill, and your achievement will always stifle that of somebody else. What you gain, somebody else has lost, and vice versa, and so really the only value in what you do or what you have is that which you place on it, no amount of likes can equate to that. Also the good news is you’re in control of that value, so if you feel like you need to do something to increase it, then do it, but if you feel like you need to do something because somebody else places value in it, then take a step back and reconsider why.

I can’t tell you how to achieve everything you want to do in life (I’m still figuring that bit out myself) but what I have learnt, and try to remember every day, is that as long as you are humble and as long as you are kind, no part of your life will ever be a waste. There need be no existential anxiety in selflessness.

Festival season literally cannot come around fast enough. Hurry up May, I am so fed up of sitting about in my flat by myself being a saddo because I have nobody to play with, drowning my sorrows In biscuits and music, all the while the sunny days mocking me with their arrogant rays. Come and run off with me again summer! :(

What plays in my head as I walk into town on race week.

This is the best and truest depiction of depression I've ever seen.

Office bean bags yo! #workinghard
Actually bought some proper exercise clothes. It just got serious. #nike #fitness
American pancake stack topped with coconut, blueberries cooked in syrup, and a sprig of fresh mint.

17 Easy Ways To Be Insanely Productive

This is chicken, prawn and veg stir fry, with garlic, ginger, lime, onion, chillies, fish sauce, white wine and coconut milk served with noodles. Eat your heart out wagamamas. Think my cooking just got cranked up a notch. Tastiest thing I’ve ever made!
Went in for the chop today (hair that is - not circumcision)
Don’t need to go nowhere for a fancy breakfast. Do it all myself.
I actually love my flat now, only took me 9 months to feel at home. Here’s to Friday nights in! Happy weekend everyone.